Awake

It is with a grieved heart that I write these words. It's been a rough year to say the least. I've watched as people that I once respected have turned their kindness away from me because I chose to follow Jesus and not them. I have watched in agony as people that I have led and cared for have chose not to follow Jesus completely and therefore gotten off track in their walk with God. Mostly, I have watched Christians around me become more and more calloused by sin, never turning to God and repenting, therefore becoming stagnant.

On what basis do I say these things, you might ask. I say these things on the basis of my Lord, Jesus Christ and as a disciple of his. I do not claim to be perfect, but I do recognize that something needs to change and it won't if we go on in the oblivion of our sin. He has called Christians to a higher standard, and we, simply put, won't submit to his calling.

It was a little over a year ago that I first started to become "spiritually awake." Before, I was a sleeping or dead Christian. Would I have made it into heaven if I had died as a sleeping Christian? For the sake of those who are asleep, I hope so! But I cannot know. However, to be asleep is to be lukewarm and God says that he will spit the lukewarm out of his mouth - we must be hot.

The Waking Process:  

It was painful. I've never been so at peace. I've never been so restless. It happened in a moment, yet it was a process.

Before this moment, I was stagnant in my faith. I was blind to my sin and the sin around me. I couldn't see it because I didn't want to see it - I didn't want to admit the depth of my need for Jesus because then I would have to change. I didn't want change, I was comfortable.

Then it happened. Overtime, I realized the depth of my sin and how much I needed Jesus and I fell on my face before the Lord. In that moment, I kicked out everything in my life that defined me including my family, friends and grades. It felt awful. When it was all out of the center of my heart, I pleaded for God to come in and he did. Peace, gratitude, and a feeling of home settled in that had not been there before. God had become my center and nothing else around me mattered.

The next few months, God began to show me the depth of this world's need for God. More than anything though, he showed me the depth of Christian's need for God. It was a horrific moment when I became fully aware of the need. I was walking around a Christian university campus and God showed me that we claim to be alive and awake, but really we are walking around dead. We are deceived.

It has been said that fire (life in Christ) spreads, and this is true. However, it can also be said that dead Christians make dead Christians. If we the church as a whole are dead, than we can expect that those who follow us will also be dead. This is tragic!

Here's The Deal. 

I am not saying that all Christians are dead. I know some people that are very alive and some others that are in the process of coming alive. This is exciting! What I am saying though is that we need to examine and reexamine our lives as Christians. We need to ask Christ to shine his light on our lives and convict us so that we might change and become like him. We need to die to our sin and flesh and ask God to burden our hearts for the things that burden his heart and we need to submit ourselves to his will that we might actually be effective for the Kingdom of God. As people who know Christ, we have a job and mission to push people towards Christ, if that is not happening, we are dead. We have a job to lift others up in prayer, and likewise, if we are not doing that, we are dead.

I think that it is time for us, the church, to examine ourselves and honestly look at the dead areas in our lives. I urge you, readers, pray and ask God that he would bring conviction into your life that you might change. For we, the church, do not want to stand before God on the day of Judgement and find that we too are calloused and dead.

My Lament - Psalm 116

Where is safety, but the embrace of your arms?
Who else can I trust, but you?
'Cause when I run to the world I come back empty handed
And even more desperate for you.
God give me you.

Father would you hold me through my darkest night?
Would you whisper in my ear your truth?
And when the sin is shining would you teach me how to dance?
I give every moment to you.
God give me you.
I'm desperate for you.

When the people ask me, "Where is your God."
I will turn my eyes towards you.
For, I know you're there and you will never leave me
I forever will put my trust in you
God give me you.
I'm desperate for you.

Alone?

There are so many times that I have been in a rough time and the question, "Where is God?" has popped into my mind. The Bible says God never leaves, but in Psalms there are many times that David questions if God is with him.

I was watching a baby boy the other day, Levi, and his two brothers. I learned really quickly that Levi likes to be with someone all the time. I would run into the kitchen really quick to get a drink for his brothers and Levi would start crying and crawl to find me. I couldn't help but wonder, is that what we are like with God?

When we feel like God is gone we become scared, we doubt that he is real. Just like little Levi did when I was not in the room with him. He was scared, scared of being alone.

Why is it that we feel this way? If God truly never leaves then why do we feel alone? Why can’t we always feel him by our side and see his works in the things around us? Why are there periods when he feels so distant? What are we doing wrong?

The answer is different for every situation. Sometimes we are allowing ourselves to get in the way of our relationship with God, but sometimes it is just a test. Sometimes God wants to test our relationship with him and there are periods of silence, where we can't hear him, or feel him. That does not mean that he is gone, or not real.

One night, I was sitting on my bed upset because I could not feel God. "Where are you God?" I whispered up to him. I pushed my head into my pillow and started singing a song, by skillet, whispers in the dark, “no you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars. Hear my whispers in the dark." I stopped there and got up to look out the window for stars. There were none. "Where’s my stars God?" I asked mad about him leaving me alone. I pulled my arm up to the window to block the light from my room and there they were. Little, tiny stars. God never left me. I was never alone and he proved it to me that night.

I never left Levi, I was always there for him, but when he could not see me he got scared. I never stopped loving him, even when I was in other rooms I still was talking to him. I am not God and I cannot possibly be with Levi all the time, but God is all powerful and He will always be there, even when you can’t feel him by your side.

There is a BarlowGirl song that says "I believe in the sun, even when it’s not shining. I believe in Love, even when I can't feel it. I believe in God, even when He is silent. I believe"

So, next time you can't feel God next to you, be still and know that He is there and He always will be. God will not fail to keep His covenant to you. You are truly never alone!

Proof of the Omnipotent!

 While I was in Lima, Peru I believe God’s hand was in my life and the others around me. I say that because amazing things were happening. The biggest thing I learned was God is so powerful and He really can move mountains if you allow Him to. I needed Him to that week and He did. Well, He did not exactly move mountains, but close enough. On January 11^th I was supposed to be getting on a plane home, but I could not. You see, that was the day that the skies opened up and poured a ton of snow down on the USA. Every state besides Florida was covered in white.  So the Atlanta airport was closed and my flight was canceled (it never snows in Atlanta!). I was stuck in a third world country without my parents! I was so scared I got sick, I was not prepared for more time in Peru, but like I said God’s hand was in the trip. I posted on my blog that I wanted to stay in Lima right before I went to pack my things for the trip (be careful what you wish for)… little did I know how powerful God is because I stayed five more days in Lima and got to go back to the slums and make more connections with the children. God stretched me even more in that next week. God used me to work in others lives the first week, but the second week he tore apart my life and made it all new again. He showed me two things that I needed to do when I got back home, and when He knew that I would do them no matter what, he sent me home. Not even ten minutes after I told God yes did I get the phone call that I got a plane ticket. God works in amazing ways! Doesn't He?

Lima, Peru

Lima, Peru

Video of my trip to Lima, Peru! Hope you enjoy!