Alone?

There are so many times that I have been in a rough time and the question, "Where is God?" has popped into my mind. The Bible says God never leaves, but in Psalms there are many times that David questions if God is with him.

I was watching a baby boy the other day, Levi, and his two brothers. I learned really quickly that Levi likes to be with someone all the time. I would run into the kitchen really quick to get a drink for his brothers and Levi would start crying and crawl to find me. I couldn't help but wonder, is that what we are like with God?

When we feel like God is gone we become scared, we doubt that he is real. Just like little Levi did when I was not in the room with him. He was scared, scared of being alone.

Why is it that we feel this way? If God truly never leaves then why do we feel alone? Why can’t we always feel him by our side and see his works in the things around us? Why are there periods when he feels so distant? What are we doing wrong?

The answer is different for every situation. Sometimes we are allowing ourselves to get in the way of our relationship with God, but sometimes it is just a test. Sometimes God wants to test our relationship with him and there are periods of silence, where we can't hear him, or feel him. That does not mean that he is gone, or not real.

One night, I was sitting on my bed upset because I could not feel God. "Where are you God?" I whispered up to him. I pushed my head into my pillow and started singing a song, by skillet, whispers in the dark, “no you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars. Hear my whispers in the dark." I stopped there and got up to look out the window for stars. There were none. "Where’s my stars God?" I asked mad about him leaving me alone. I pulled my arm up to the window to block the light from my room and there they were. Little, tiny stars. God never left me. I was never alone and he proved it to me that night.

I never left Levi, I was always there for him, but when he could not see me he got scared. I never stopped loving him, even when I was in other rooms I still was talking to him. I am not God and I cannot possibly be with Levi all the time, but God is all powerful and He will always be there, even when you can’t feel him by your side.

There is a BarlowGirl song that says "I believe in the sun, even when it’s not shining. I believe in Love, even when I can't feel it. I believe in God, even when He is silent. I believe"

So, next time you can't feel God next to you, be still and know that He is there and He always will be. God will not fail to keep His covenant to you. You are truly never alone!

Proof of the Omnipotent!

 While I was in Lima, Peru I believe God’s hand was in my life and the others around me. I say that because amazing things were happening. The biggest thing I learned was God is so powerful and He really can move mountains if you allow Him to. I needed Him to that week and He did. Well, He did not exactly move mountains, but close enough. On January 11^th I was supposed to be getting on a plane home, but I could not. You see, that was the day that the skies opened up and poured a ton of snow down on the USA. Every state besides Florida was covered in white.  So the Atlanta airport was closed and my flight was canceled (it never snows in Atlanta!). I was stuck in a third world country without my parents! I was so scared I got sick, I was not prepared for more time in Peru, but like I said God’s hand was in the trip. I posted on my blog that I wanted to stay in Lima right before I went to pack my things for the trip (be careful what you wish for)… little did I know how powerful God is because I stayed five more days in Lima and got to go back to the slums and make more connections with the children. God stretched me even more in that next week. God used me to work in others lives the first week, but the second week he tore apart my life and made it all new again. He showed me two things that I needed to do when I got back home, and when He knew that I would do them no matter what, he sent me home. Not even ten minutes after I told God yes did I get the phone call that I got a plane ticket. God works in amazing ways! Doesn't He?

Lima, Peru

Lima, Peru

Video of my trip to Lima, Peru! Hope you enjoy!

"I Don't Know Why You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello"

Well, I had thought that I had said goodbye to Peru for a while, but I guess I will be here for about another week due to the snow in Atlanta, Georgia (the place we were to fly into). Plans change... I am a bit shaken up, but God is being so good to me and I am being changed even now, during the second, unplanned week. Who would have thought?
Last night we had a team meeting with the few that are still in Peru with me. I realized just how awesome and dedicated some of the people from my team really are to this trip.
There is a sweet couple whose son was taken to jail two days after we started the trip. If I were in their shoes, I would have wanted to leave Peru as soon as I found out, but they didn't. they stayed and worked inspite of the chaos back home.
Another woman that I have spent the few weeks with has every right to be upset about our current inability to go home. Her mom is in the hospital on her death bed. She could lose her mom at any second! She has every right to be angry and stressed about the fact that she is not able to get home, but she told me that she has peace. Peace in the middle of chaos. It is amazing how God can give us peace and joy even when we are facing the darkest nights and the lowest valley!

I am not going to lie... I feel like the same little girl who got lost in the parking lot when I was five. I am trying to be strong and easy going, but this is a challenge for me right now! I am missing yet another week of school (who would have thought I would be upset about that?)! I was prepared for pretty much everything to happen on this trip... except this. This was definitely a surprise! However, although I am scared, lost, and stressed out, God is still good. He is in control and He is here with me. 

God is using this trip to drain me. In other words, take everything out that is bad and show me what I need to fix. He has revealed to me things that need to be adressed when I get back home. He has also used this trip to fill me back up again. He has shown me joy that I have fallen away from in the smile of a old, beautiful woman and in the excitement of the little girls as they come running up to you. He has taught me so much! 

I realize that although I am scared, God is in Control. Or like my favorite song says, ¨He is the God of this City. He's the King of the people. He's the Lord of this Nation. He's the light in this darkness. He's the hope to the hopeless. He's the peace to the restless. For there is no one like our God¨(BlueTree), and there truly is no one like our God! I am so glad He is the God of my heart!

Hello!

Tonight we will go to the airport and we will get on th plane and leave. I keep geting posts on facebook that say "I miss you and I can´t wait to come back" which is sweet and I miss everyone too... but I don´t want to come back. I love it here, I love the people and the place. It´s so beautiful! These people need so much, it breaks my heart. In America I have so much compared to them, it´s crazy! I know that people in America need to, but not like this. It´s different. We had little girls come to our bus and ask for water... I mean who in America really has no way of getting water. The Bible says "Give water to those who are thirsty" (my paraphrase) and that is what it really is about.

I saw Jesus thirsty in those little girls eyes. I saw Jesus sleeping on the side of the street in a old man´s body. I saw Jesus desperate to be seen and be heard in these people and I can´t get the faces out of my head and I don´t want to, they are so precious! I can´t be the same person anymore, I just can´t! I saw Jesus in the smile of Wilma, the mother Theresa of this place.

This trip has stretched me so much! It has brought out some things that I need to change, and I am scared to change. It has opened my eyes to the hope that lies in the midst of disaster. God has used this trip to tear me apart and build me up again... I can´t fully express what I feel, but I will try. My heart is broken, fully broken. I know that choices lie ahead of me and some of the choices I am not going to want to make.

I want to live my life for others as I have this week. I want to connect with people and serve them. So, in a sense, though I may never come back to Peru, I my heart to stay in a posture of service to God and people as I have learned this week. So this is not goodbye, at least to this heart posture, but only hello.

70 x 7

It´s so hard to forgive sometimes, isn't it? Especially when the sin is against you or someone you love. At least I have trouble with that. It seems I have more compassion on the people I have never even met than the people that I know best, but I don´t believe it should be that way. We as Christians, God´s forgiven people, should be forgiving to all because we know how wonderful it feels to be forgiven.

I, as a Christian, don´t want to hold grudges against people. What right do we have to do that? We are sinners just like the rest, we are just sinners saved by the grace of God. We, sinners, holding grudges against other people would fit under the label of hypocrisy.

What if Jesus decided one day that He couldn't forgive us because our sins are to big or we have made the same mistake over and over? What would we do then? We would be lost, scared, confused, broken, but we know that Jesus would never do that and we are called to be like Jesus.

Jesus set the perfect example of true forgiveness. He was innocent, beaten, forced to carry a huge cross, nailed to the cross, then killed. And that is a vague list. He had every right to get mad at the people that were doing those things to Him. He could have easily called down angels to kill those people. He could have prayed to God to send those people to Hell... but He didn't... We read that He called out "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."


I do not know about you, but I, if I were in Jesus' situation, would have trouble praying for God to forgive them... but I hope that I could! I want to be like Jesus!
While struggling with this topic I stumbled across this verse in 1 Peter 4:8. It says, "Above all, love deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins." And it´s true. Haven´t you ever loved someone, probably a child, so much that when they do mess up you love them the same and barely recognize their flaw? That is the love Peter was talking about. A love that covers a multitude of sins, and that is the kind of love we as Christians should strive for! That is the kind of love that I want to have towards all people in Peru, America and anywhere else I may go!

Here I Go!

The day that I have been waiting for is finally here! Tomorrow I will be boarding the plane and leaving. In a way I will not be coming back. My body will, but I will be different. The person that I have been all my life will pass away in Lima, Peru and I will come home different... a good different. Of course I will come home with the some of the same qualities. I will still love music and I will still be obnoxious and I still  be really, really A.D.D., and I will still make stupid mistakes, but I am praying that the self-centeredness that captivates me will be wiped out, and the non-compassionate side of me will be replaced with compassion.

I am not going to lie and tell you I am not scared and that I am completely excited because that is not the truth. I am excited, but I am so nervous my stomach is getting upset and I am so scared! Change is uncomfortable.  I am stepping away from everything I once knew and into a whole new life style... It's scary! And although I believe that this is going to be a good change, I also know that it is going to be a heartbreaking change, it is not going to be comfortable to go through this, but that is the way God works most of the time... at least in my life.

I am so humbled by this oportunity, I want to fall on my face before God. Out of all the people in the world  that are way better than me, he sends me... a A.D.D., teenage girl with many more unlisted problems. I don't understand, but I don't think I am supposed to. I know I am not any more special to God than anyone else though and this adventure he is sending me on is not more special than any other adventure he sends others on. It's just different just like people are all different. In other words, God has a special plan for everyone's lives no matter who they are and what they have done. It's scary at times, so scary that you feel sick to the stomach, but it will be an amazing thing. You just have to be willing to step out of that comfort zone and maybe get a little dirty.

Love you guys! :)